Friday, November 30, 2007

Torre Expresses Interest In Having A-Rod, Posada, Jeter, Clemens, Abreu, Rivera, Matsui, Cano, Pettitte Join Dodgers

Los Angeles, CA (Nov. 30) - New Dodgers manager Joe Torre has told reporters that he would be open to having Alex Rodriguez, Jorge Posada, Derek Jeter, Roger Clemens, Bobby Abreu, Mariano Rivera, Hideki Matsui, Robinson Cano, and Andy Pettitte join him in Los Angeles in 2008.

"Just think of it," Torre said yesterday, "it'd be like getting the old gang back together!"

Torre, who became Dodgers manager after 12 seasons in New York with the Yankees, sat in his new office with his feet up, nursing a Scotch-and-water as he waxed nostalgic about his time in the Bronx.

"Yeah, it was good times," Torre said, swirling the ice cubes in his drink. "We did some good things there." Then he looked out the window, returned to his drink, and added, "I'm gonna miss those guys."

When asked if his feelings were because of the tight bond he formed with his players on a personal level, Torre shook his head.

"No, because they're pretty f***ing good players!" Torre said as he poured more Scotch into his glass, eschewing water this time.

"Damn! Why can't we get those guys? We'd be soo much better," Torre added, his voice becoming increasingly more whiny the more he spoke.

Dodgers manager Ned Colletti, when told of Torre's comments, took them in stride.

"Joe's having buyer's remorse perhaps," Colletti said with a shrug. "I'll talk to him, after he sobers up a bit."

Torre insisted the addition of Rodriguez, Posada, Jeter, Clemens, Abreu, Rivera, Matsui, Cano, and Pettitte would "make my job ten f**ing times easier," and that the Dodgers should "put their money where their mouth is" and do "whatever it takes" to secure those players for him.

"I didn't come here to lose," Torre said, his eyes getting glassy. "I know those players. I know what they're capable of. Get them and I promise you we're a playoff team."

When told that the Dodgers' budget almost certainly couldn't sustain such a talented group all at once, Torre scowled and went "Psssshhhh," waving his hand dismissively.

"Oh, I can't afford it!," Torre said in a mocking voice, as if speaking from the team's perspective. "Well, boo-f***ing-hoo!"

Torre ended the impromptu press gathering by finishing his bottle of Scotch and slumping, the thud of his head hitting the desk signaling the end of the discussion.

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