Monday, November 12, 2007

Police End Tense Standoff Between Kobe Bryant And Phil Jackson's Ego

Los Angeles, CA (Nov. 12) - Police rushed to the Los Angeles Lakers' practice at the Staples Center this morning after frantic 911 calls indicated a tense standoff was developing between star player Kobe Bryant and coach Phil Jackson's ego.

"I'm pleased to report that the situation is now under control," deputy police chief Andrew Horton said in front of the arena's main entrance, which just minutes before was stormed by dozens of police officers and SWAT personnel.

Bryant (top) and Jackson's ego (above) clashed at Lakers practice today

Trouble arose, Horton said, when Bryant -- the mercurial star who has requested a trade, or maybe not -- challenged Jackson's ego after Bryant was ordered to "do a few laps" following lackadaisical play in practice.

Bryant, according to witnesses, flew into a rage and asked Jackson's ego to "take it outside," accusing the coach's psyche that serves as the organized conscious mediator between Jackson and reality of "dissing" Bryant.

"Jackson's ego, which is as large as the day is long, took exception," a Lakers beat reporter said. "I thought Kobe and Jackson's metaphysical and psychological inner soul were going to come to blows. It was nasty."

Bryant and Jackson's ego quickly barricaded themselves behind opposite ends of the bleachers surrounding the court.

"We tried to get them together, but both sides were dug in," Lakers spokesman John Black said.

Horton said police responded when team psychiatrists, always on duty during practice and games, failed to bridge the gap, despite several attempts and emergency therapy sessions with both parties.

That's when Dr. Thomas Frye, longtime Lakers "shrink", called out, "Call 911! Call 911!"

"Upon arrival, we found Mr. Bryant pacing nervously behind a basketball rack," Horton said. "Coach Jackson's ego was, at that time, not more than ten feet away."

Horton called the situation "very tense."

The scene was defused when Horton's men did two things: calmed Jackson's ego by promising that everyone still thinks he's a great coach, no matter what; and by gently rocking Bryant until the tired star fell into a peaceful slumber.

Still, team officials plan on keeping a close eye on this situation.

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