Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Cubs Announce Date Of Next Year's Playoff Elimination In Fan-Friendly Move

Chicago, IL (Nov. 14) - The Chicago Cubs, acknowledging that today's baseball fan is "busier than ever," announced yesterday that the team will be eliminated from playoff contention next September 4th.

"We feel we owe it to our fans so they can get on with their lives," team spokesman Larry Charlie said at a press conference. "It's part of our 'fans first' philosophy. Now they know that they're free to look elsewhere for fun after September 4th, 2008."

Charlie said the Cubs will be mathematically eliminated with a walk-off home run in Pittsburgh.

"With 'fans first', we feel it's not only good enough to announce the date of elimination, but the manner in which it will happen. So now everyone is prepared."

The Cubs made the playoffs in 2007, but were swept in the NLDS by Arizona.

"We regret what happened in '07," Charlie said. "We realize making the playoffs was a major inconvenience to our fans, who are used to having Octobers free. Being swept just prolonged the inevitable. We've learned from our mistake."

Charlie said the fan-friendliness wouldn't end with the playoff elimination date.

"We will be sending our season ticket holders the dates of our most gut-wrenching losses in '08," he said. "On of the highlights will be a blown eight-run lead in the ninth when the Padres visit Wrigley Field May 22nd."

Other special dates, Charlie said, include an error-filled loss to Philadelphia on April 24th, a rain-shortened loss to Los Angeles on June 4th, and a come-from-behind win over Arizona in late August that will give fans false hope.

"We hope this makes up for the debacle last season," Charlie said.

Charlie added that the 2009 team will be awash with painful rebuilding.

"Anything for our fans' convenience."

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