Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Dolphins Demand Recount After Monday Night's Close Loss

Miami, FL (Nov. 27) - The winless Miami Dolphins, encouraged by their close match with the powerful Pittsburgh Steelers last night on "Monday Night Football," have called for the NFL to do a recount of the 3-0 final score.

"It just seems too close to call," a weary and damp Miami coach Cam Cameron said after the game, which was played in horrendous weather conditions. "It was raining so hard and the field was in such bad shape, how can the officials be that confident that they got the final score right?"

The Steelers, according to the official result, won on a 24-yard field goal with seventeen seconds remaining. But Cameron wasn't buying it.

"I could barely see the ball," Cameron said of the apparent game-winning kick. "Besides, even if it WAS good, who's to say that we didn't pick up a few points along the way? In fact, my assistants upstairs swore that we scored a touchdown late in the third quarter.

"I still think there are some more points out there for us, if the officials would just count them again."

The Dolphins, 0-11, are trying to avoid being the league's first winless team since the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

"I can't believe they're just going to let the Steelers walk away with that razor-thin win," complained Miami-area sportswriter Dan LeBatard. "Neither team could get much going, thanks to the field conditions. You mean to tell me that the officials are 100% certain that the Dolphins didn't score at least three points themselves?"

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said that recounts are against league policy.

"Never happened, and not gonna happen," Aiello said.

Sports psychologist Dr. Frederick Warren said that the Dolphins' pleas for a recount are a normal reaction to such a result.

"It's completely in line for them to feel that way," Dr. Warren said. He added that he watched the game and has some empathy for the Dolphins.

"I must admit, I thought I saw the Dolphins tackle Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger for a safety just before halftime," Dr. Warren said. "So that would make the score even closer, 3-2. I think a recount would be appropriate under those circumstances."

Cameron said that if the NFL refuses his request, he would have no other choice than to protest by "setting myself down on the floor and holding my breath while kicking and balling my fists."

When told of Cameron's threat, Aiello said, "Fine. Still no recount."

Pittsburgh coach Mike Tomlin said, diplomatically, "Let's just say that I have complete confidence in the scoring process that this league was founded upon."

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