Friday, May 16, 2008

"KG Got To Win On Road," Garnett Says

Cleveland, OH. (May 16) - Boston Celtics star hulk, Kevin Garnett, is in a life-or-death struggle with winning a playoff game on the road, sources say.

"Got," Garnett said with a grimace after practice yesterday as he strained to bust out of the chains that team personnel had placed him in, in order to bottle up his energy. "KG got to win on road," he said, a faraway look in his eyes, the pupils of which were dilated.

Garnett was carried by six beefy security guards off the court and placed in his bonds, which included ankle irons and chains connecting his ankles to his wrists. After bucking violently for several minutes, Garnett was then given an injection, which calmed him.

The Celtics are 7-0 at home and 0-5 on the road going into tonight's Game 6 against Cleveland in the Eastern Conference semi-finals.

Garnett, moments before being placed in restraints and under 24/7 guard

Garnett, acquired last summer from Minnesota in order to bring the Celtics back to championship status, teamed with Ray Allen and Paul Pierce to lead Boston to the NBA's best record this season. But the playoffs have been a different story.

So the decision was made after Game 5's Celtics win to keep Garnett in constant restraint until game time in Cleveland. He's watched 24/7, and is fed intravenously.

"Losing on road make KG want to SMASH!," Garnett said during one of his few moments of consciousness.

Celtics coach Doc Rivers would only say, "In the playoffs, everyone's a little more uptight. KG will be fine. I'm confident that he'll emerge from his restraints a much more focused, better player for us on the road."

At press time, Garnett was drifting in and out of consciousness and banging his head against the wooden board that he's been strapped to.

"KG want to HURT LeBron. Win on road must be happen for KG and Celtics," he said over and over.

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