Monday, March 31, 2008

Cops Called As Baseball Accuses Bonds Of Stalking

San Francisco, CA. (Mar. 31) - Police were called at 1:47 a.m. this morning to a bungalow in the city's south side, where homerun king Barry Bonds was arrested on the sidewalk, threatening his ex -- baseball.

"He was cursing and begging me for another chance," baseball told reporters gathered outside the sport's modest, two-bedroom abode that it once shared with Bonds. "He went back and forth from being nice to being obnoxious. I think he'd been drinking," the sport added.

Bonds has been stalking baseball, according to the sport's friends, since the wintertime, when it was growing apparent that his legal woes due to the steroid scandal were scaring teams away from hiring him.

"He'd call at least 10-12 times a day," a friend of baseball said, speaking on the condition of anonymity. "For awhile I thought baseball might take him back. But I advised that baseball needed to be strong and stand its ground.

"He's out of your LIFE," the friend told baseball. The friend said that Opening Day probably caused Bonds to go "off the deep end."

Bonds was arrested, wobbly and screaming thru tears, after baseball called police when Bonds wouldn't leave the sidewalk. Baseball told reporters, and police, that the locks had been changed weeks ago.

"BASEBALLLLL!!," Bonds reportedly screamed as he nearly lost his balance. "BASEBALLLLLLL! PLEASE!! Oh God, please!"

Bonds briefly fought officers as he was forced into the back of a patrol car. Baseball was asked if it had someplace safe to stay for awhile.

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