Monday, March 17, 2008

Tiger Woods Announces 2008 Victory Tour Dates

Orlando, FL. (Mar. 17) - Moments after winning the Arnold Palmer Invitational with a dramatic, 25-foot birdie putt for his fifth straight PGA Tour victory, Tiger Woods revealed the dates of the remainder of his 2008 wins.

"I shall win the Masters again," Woods said after reporters hushed. "Then I will win the following tournaments," he added, pulling a small piece of paper from his back pocket.

"The Byron Nelson Championship in Irving, Texas," Woods said, looking up at reporters after mentioning each tournament. "The Players Championship in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. The Stanford St. Jude Classic in Tennessee. The U.S. Open in San Diego. The Buick Open in Grand Blanc, Michigan." Woods cleared his throat, said, "Mmm...pardon me," before continuing. "The AT&T National in Bethesda, Maryland. The British Open in Lancashire. The PGA Championship at Oakland Hills in Michigan."


Woods pumps his fist, on his way to yesterday's planned win at the Arnold Palmer Invitational, which he announced would happen back in January


When it was pointed out that the 2008 victory schedule meant he would be capturing the Grand Slam, Woods simply nodded and said softly, "That's correct."

Woods announced that beyond the PGA, he wasn't sure which tournaments he would win, explaining that his personal schedule hadn't been made that far out.

Woods said that details of his victories, such as by how many strokes, under what conditions, and whether he would need to come from behind in any of them, would be revealed "soon."

"Meanwhile, I just want to enjoy this walk-off win, which if you remember, I announced in a press release back in January," Woods added.

With that, Woods left, refusing to accept the trophy from Palmer, explaining that "it's just going to go downstairs and get lost in all the clutter."

1 comment:

Leelanau Sports Guy said...

This is hilarious! Keep it up!