Monday, April 7, 2008

Celtics, Pistons To Open Playoffs Against Some Team Or Another

New York, NY. (Apr. 7) - The two best teams in the NBA's weak Eastern Conference, the Boston Celtics and the Detroit Pistons, are each poised to begin the playoffs in twelve days, being matched up against some sort of bottom-feeding, wretched ballclub.

"I really don't care who we play," said Celtics forward Paul Pierce yesterday. "In fact, I don't know if I'll even bother learning their name," he added, saying that all he might look at it is the other team's jerseys, just so he knows who not to pass the ball to.

The Celtics have a league-leading 61 wins with six games remaining; the Pistons have 55. The two lowest seeds, who the Celtics and Pistons will play, are both horrendous teams who ought to kiss the court that they're even in the playoffs.

"They say upsets can happen," said Pistons guard Chauncey Billups before snickering derisively. "I don't know, man....I don't know," he added before breaking into convulsive laughter. Then, after composing himself, Billups said, "This is the best time of the year; when we in the East get to wipe the floor with teams who should be in the lottery."

The potential opponents of the Celtics and Pistons include the Toronto Raptors, the Atlanta Hawks, and the Philadelphia 76ers. But reports indicate that maybe even the New Jersey Nets, the Indiana Pacers, and the Chicago Bulls are still mathematically alive for a playoff berth. Sources say league officials are "crunching the numbers" to see who truly is the least pathetic two teams from among this scum-sucking group. There's even been talk, sources say, of these teams pooling their resources and forming two teams from their rosters who might be able to push the Celtics and Pistons to a fifth game in a best-of-seven series.

Meanwhile, the Celtics tuned up for their first round romp by practicing blindfolded, while the Pistons worked on defensive drills while hogtied.

1 comment:

Ryan said...

Hawks might just "shock the world"