Thursday, June 12, 2008

Hulk Vows He Will Smash If Celtics Don't Win NBA Finals

Los Angeles, CA. (Jun 12) - The Incredible Hulk, flanked by throngs of Boston Celtics fans and supporters decked in green, issued an ominous threat to NBA officials and anyone else who would be unfortunate enough to get in his way if the Celtics didn't emerge as league champions.

" thing," Hulk said in his familiar halting, Neanderthal-like tone. "If Celtics no win, it make Hulk want to SMASH," he added, pounding his powerful fist, driven by his 224-inch biceps, onto the top of a nearby UPS truck, collapsing the vehicle instantly.

Longtime Hulk observers said that this is the first time the genetically-modified creature, whose legal name is Bruce Banner, has ever openly thrown his support to any professional sports team.

"Clearly, it's the whole green thing," said Celtics fan Rodney Banner (no relation). "Everyone knows about the Hulk's affinity for green. So it makes sense."

The Incredible Hulk makes his way to the podium prior to his impromptu meeting with reporters yesterday outside the Staples Center

Sources say the Hulk became enthralled with the Celtics after a late-season game against the Philadelphia 76ers in Boston -- a game that was halted for nearly 30 minutes due to a rampage by the Hulk during the third quarter in the arena.

"Banner was at the game, and became enraged at beer prices," confirmed the source. "Before friends could escort him out of the arena and out of harm's way, he transformed," the source said, referring to Banner's unique trait of turning into the 35-foot tall, menacing green monster whenever he becomes very angry. It was during this incident, the source said, that the Hulk noticed all the green being worn in the crowd.

"From then on, he's been behind the Celtics," the source added.

Bruce Banner, aware of the Hulk's like of the Celtics, regularly watches games, in case a well-timed transformation occurs -- hoping that the sight of the Celtics on TV might calm the beast.

In addition to his warning remarks yesterday outside the Staples Center, the Hulk said, "Kevin Garnett...he a brute that cannot...WILL stopped. No can stop can stop Paul Pierce...," he said before emitting a spontaneous loud roar. Then he added, "Lakers better not THINK of winning O'Brien Trophy...that make Hulk VERY mad!"

At that point, the Hulk kicked over a small TV production truck and ran away at speeds estimated at being over 100 m.p.h.

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