Friday, October 10, 2008

Rams' Punter: "Just Give Me the Damn Ball!"

St. Louis, MO. (Oct. 10) - St. Louis Rams punter Donnie Jones, frustrated over his team's 0-4 start, has issued an ultimatum to his teammates and coaches: Just give me the damn ball.

"I'm all about winning, man," Jones told reporters at an impromptu press conference after practice yesterday. "This isn't about Donnie Jones. Donnie Jones just wants to win. Donnie Jones wants what's best for the St. Louis Rams."

In that spirit, Jones says that the Rams' best chances of beating the Washington Redskins in Washington this Sunday lie on his right foot.

"I'll pooch punt those guys (Redskins) to death," Jones said, speaking animatedly. "Just get me to the 45 yard line. That's all I need. Then the game of field position will be ours. Totally. I'm not even joking."

Jones calls himself the Rams' "best chance" at victory

Jones said that as long as the Rams keep failing to convert third downs, the better off the team will be.

"I know it sounds weird, but trust me on this: Donnie Jones will win the game for the Rams if they just give Donnie Jones the ball on 4th down," Jones said before adding, "But you gotta get off the field, now. Donnie Jones can't help by standing on the sidelines."

Jones went so far as to make a suggestion "out of the box."

"If we have to punt on third down, second down, whatever, then I'm OK with that," he said. "Donnie Jones is ready, no matter what down it is."

Jones reasons that the more he punts, the less tired the Rams' offense will be, setting them up for some late-game heroics.

"The Redskins won't have no field position, that's for sure," Jones said brashly. "Then, late in the game, Donnie Jones is willing to stand on the sidelines on fourth down for a game-winning field goal."

When it was pointed out that the Rams have been outscored, 147-43, and haven't lost a game by less than 17 points thus far, Jones refused to back off his statements.

"That was before Donnie Jones asked for the ball, gentlemen," he said. "I got me some coffin corner kicks in my bag -- you just wait."

Jones then joined his Rams teammates in the locker room, who, upon being told of the punter's comments, savagely beat him. He's listed as "day-to-day."

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