Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Peyton Manning Wants To Use A Stunt Double During Exhibition Season

Terre Haute, IN (Jul 30) - Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, in an effort to keep his body in "tip-top" condition for the 2008 regular season, has asked the team to provide him with a stunt double for all four exhibition games.

"We all know that these games don't mean a hoot," Manning said in his southern drawl during a break in practice. "And everyone knows that if I get hurt, this team is f***ed. Right?"

At that, reporters looked at each other, shrugged, and nodded their heads in agreement.

Manning continued. "Right. So why the hell risk my health on a bunch of meaningless games that no one gives two s**ts about?"

Again the reporters nodded, shrugging.

"So I've asked the Colts to provide me with a stunt double, who will take all snaps and do all scrambling, and absorb all hits, during next month's exhibition schedule," Manning said.

Under Manning's proposal, an athletic man, whose name will not be revealed, will don Manning's no. 18 jersey and pose as the All-Pro signal caller throughout the pre-season. The QB/double will also be someone who has experience doing stunts for movies and television.

"I have a few people in mind right now," Manning said. "During my off-season workouts I met some dudes. They've worked on shows like MacGyver and Walker, Texas Ranger. I've been teaching them how to look like an NFL quarterback. Just like I taught Jim Sorgi," Manning said of his annual, "real" backup.

Manning said that, under his plan, the stunt double would only need to learn how to hand off, because he won't be throwing any passes.

"(Coach) Tony (Dungy) usually pulls me out midway through the first quarter anyway," Manning reasoned. "So it wouldn't look all that odd for 'me' to not throw any passes. Besides, I hate putting all those pads and stuff on in August....I sweat like a pig."

Dungy said he was open to the idea.

"Hey, whatever keeps Peyton fresh so we can win the Super Bowl...that's what's important. Not whether some poor guy pays top dollar for pre-season games so he can see Peyton Manning. Tough cookies."

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