Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Crusty, Proud '72 Dolphins Challenge Patriots To "Loser Leave Town" Match

Miami, FL (Dec. 18) - Caustic, feisty members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins perfect 17-0 team have challenged the New England Patriots to a Pay-Per-View football television event, in which the loser will have to leave town.

"They think they've accomplished something?," said former Dolphins guard Bob Kuechenberg of the 2007 Patriots, who are the second team to start a season 14-0. "Well, the road to perfection goes through us," he added, just before having to stop the discussion due to a coughing fit.

Kuechenberg, QB Bob Griese, RB Larry Csonka, and other members of the '72 Dolphins, according to the challenge, will play the Patriots on January 6, 2008 -- which would normally be the Pats' bye week in the playoffs. The event will be beamed into homes across the country via PPV at $39.95 per buy.

"I'm sick of that Tom Brady," said former DE Vern den Herder of the Patriots QB. "I'd like to wipe that All-American smile off his gay ass face."

den Herder and other members of the defense, like MLB Nick Buoniconti and LB Bob Matheson, have been working out for weeks, in secret, in preparation for the January 6 tilt.

"The time for talk is over," Matheson said. "Now all that's left is to get it on on the football field."

Patriots coach Bill Belichick accepted the challenge.

"Yeah, what the hell?," Belichick told reporters yesterday in Foxboro, MA. "I have great respect for the 1972 Dolphins. To be honest, we've been studying film on them for a few weeks now. Some of the film broke in the projector because it's so old, but we think we have enough where we can devise a game plan."

Belichick said that the Dolphins' ground game concerns him, led by the 63-year-old Csonka on the inside and 62-year-old Mercury Morris bouncing outside.

63-year-old FB Csonka takes time out from training in Alaska for the January 6, 2008 "loser leave town" grudge match against the New England Patriots

"And don' forget about Jim Kiick," Belichick added, referring to the 60-year-old third back.

Griese, 60, said his doctors have given him the "all clear" to begin a rigorous training regimen, and that he hopes to "make everyone forget the rough season my son, Brian, is experiencing in Chicago."

Dolphins coach Don Shula, 72, will come out of retirement as well to lead his old charges.

"Can't talk. Studying film now," Shula said via phone when reached at home.

Patriots LB Tedy Bruschi is wary of the '72 Dolphins, despite their advanced ages.

"Man, they're wily," Bruschi said after practice yesterday. "They probably have forgotten more football than we even know. Of course, maybe they've forgotten a lot simply because they're old. Regardless, it won't be an easy game."

The game will be played at the Pro Football Hall of Fame field in Canton, Ohio at 2:00 p.m. on January 6.

According to the agreement, the loser of the game will have to "leave town" -- meaning the losing ballclub has about two hours after the end of the game to make arrangements to leave Canton.

Some cynical NFL observers, noting the lack of much to do in Canton, have noted that it probably won't take much urging to get the winner to leave town, either.

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