Saturday, October 20, 2007

Red-Hot Rockies To Finish Off Red Sox, Start World Series Early

Impatient ballclub can't wait any longer

Boston, MA (Oct. 20) - Announcing that they're "tired of waiting around," the Colorado Rockies pledged to defeat the Boston Red Sox themselves on Saturday in the ALCS and start the World Series against the Cleveland Indians the next day.

"Enough already," Rockies GM Dan O'Dowd said at Fenway Park, where the Indians and Red Sox were holding informal workouts on Friday, in preparation for Game 6. The Indians lead the series, 3-2. "We're hot. We're ready. We don't want to wait any longer. Let's get it on."

O'Dowd said the Rockies would take the field Saturday instead of the Indians, finish off the Red Sox, and play Cleveland Sunday in Game 1 of the World Series at Jacobs Field.

"Clearly, the Indians are inferior to our supremacy," O'Dowd said in the new attitude that's now typical of the Rockies, who've won 21 of their past 22 games. "We've only lost once since the All-Star break," O'Dowd continued, his memory clouded by the organization's new-found arrogance. In fact, the Rockies have lost over 30 times since the break, but only once in the last month.

"We cannot be beaten. May as well start this thing (the World Series) and get it over with. The sooner we start, the sooner you all can crown us world champs," O'Dowd said, hands on hips, looking on in disdain as the two peon ballclubs work out on Fenway's diamond.

The Rockies finished their NLCS sweep of Arizona last Monday, and are eager to start their sweep of the Indians as soon as possible.

MLB officials agreed with O'Dowd's proposal, and so the Indians will watch in a luxury box as the Rockies pound the Red Sox into submission.

"The Rockies need only four more wins to be world champions," a statement issued by MLB said. "So a fifth won't be any problem, the way they've been going. MLB finds it agreeable to allow the Rockies to continue their great run Saturday, so the World Series will end well before November," the statement said, adding that it's "obvious" that the Rockies will sweep the Indians. "Plus, we don't want another Detroit," the statement said, a reference to last year, when the Tigers had to wait a week to start the Series and were manhandled by the St. Louis Cardinals. Tigers' pitchers committed a World Series-record 22 errors in the five games (all throwing miscues), certainly prompted by the extended wait.

"I'm grateful for the day off," Indians manager Eric Wedge said in a post-workout press conference. "We have no chance in the World Series, but just getting here is great."

Shortly after O'Dowd's announcement, the Indians players returned to their clubhouse at Fenway and began an impromptu champagne shower, wearing AL Champs t-shirts provided by the Rockies. But there was one small addition to the shirts.

The bottom read, "2007 AL Champs and Soon-to-be-Swept In the World Series."

"Who cares what the shirt says?," an elated Indians pitcher Paul Byrd said, the bubbly stinging his eyes. "We're in the World Series, baby! We won't win, but we're in!"

Byrd's words, "We won't in, but we're in!," was then adopted as the city of Cleveland's World Series slogan.

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