Friday, December 12, 2008

Lions To Peyton Manning: OH NO, OH GOD....NO!!!

Indianapolis, IN. (Dec. 12) - The 0-13 Detroit Lions showed up at the Indianapolis Colts' practice facility today in advance of their game here on Sunday and laid themselves at the feet of Colts quarterback Peyton Manning.

Grabbing onto Manning's ankles, Lions head coach Rod Marinelli began screaming in anguish.

"Peyton, NOOOO! OH GOD, NOOOO. PLEASE don't!!," Marinelli said, begging the Colts' star QB to not seriously hurt his football team.

Lions players then quickly joined Marinelli, sobbing uncontrollably and openly praying that Manning would "show even the tiniest amount of pity" and try to limit his touchdown passes to "no more than six" on Sunday.

Lions linebacker Paris Lenon led the impromptu prayer session, calling his teammates to kneel down, within several feet of Manning. At that point, Lenon began a prayer that lasted nearly three minutes and beseeched Manning to "look inside himself and find compassion" for the winless Lions, who are listed as "bajillion" point underdogs.

As Manning tried to shake Marinelli from his leg, Lions players converged, hugging Manning and otherwise trying to lay hands on him. All the while, Gregorian chants were heard from a portable CD player brought along by Lions PR man Bill Keenist.

Colts players were said to be too awestruck by the spiritual plea to interrupt it.

Manning himself eventually ceased his resistance and bowed his head, holding his hands up and murmuring a prayer of his own. Sources say Manning's prayer was a direct wish that the Heavenly Father have mercy on the souls of the Lions' defensive backs. In the prayer, the sources said, Manning told the Holy Spirit that how much punishment he inflicts on the Lions secondary was out of his hands and instead "in God's."

Marinelli was finally extricated from Manning's leg and then collapsed from emotion. He was then led away on a stretcher.

Colts head coach Tony Dungy, a longtime friend and colleague of Marinelli's, expressed sadness after the incident, which interrupted Colts practice for about 15 minutes.

"Brother Rod isn't heavy. It's a long, long road," Dungy said. "With many winding turns. That leads us to where? Who knows where?"

Then Dungy added, "Rod's a great competitor. I'm sure he'll have his team ready on Sunday."

No comments: